is it me?!?!

So, if you didn't read my post earlier this week about my brother, Brandon has been going through some rough patches...actually just one big rough patch. Some things his fault, some not, but he's where he is because of choices he's made...and I'm the first person to tell him that.

When he contacted my mom on Sunday he told her he'd be calling my brother and me soon. He called Brian on Monday night, they talked for awhile. Brian has a gift of saying what needs to be said without being too hard or too soft on the issue. I'm not sure what all was talked about, I haven't gotten in touch with Brian to talk about it, but he did tell Brian that he was going to call me after they got off the phone, along with calling our grandmother the next day.

He did call Mimi on Tuesday. Let me just say, if I were ever in trouble or making bad choices the absolute LAST person I'd want to admit it to, and talk to about it, would be my grandma. She's the most stubborn, brutally honest, stand-for-no-crap person I've ever met. Yet Brandon chose to call him before me. He did text me Monday night, which I hardly count as communicating, saying that he was sorry and he'd call soon.

Tuesday night passed, Wednesday night passed. Last night I called my mom to tell her something regarding Brandon, and then she called him to tell him that I hadn't heard from him, but that he needed to know _____ . he told her he'd take care of it, and that he'd call me before he went to bed. Yet again, he didnt.

what is it that makes calling ME harder than calling anyone else? I can understand calling Brian - he'd be the first I'd choose to call too. But he has talked to my mom a couple of times, Brian, and Mimi yet apparently wants to continue this period of no talking with me. Is it something I did? Did I make him feel like he can't talk to me, or that I'm not forgiving or that I don't support and love him?

I didnt do anything intentionally of course...and if he perceives me that way, is it my fault or his own? And is there something I should do? I feel like this was all his doing, so I just need to wait and let him fix it on his own. But the longer it goes the more I feel like I am being personally isolated, that I'm the one he wants to talk to least.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined Brandon would be where he is, or that our "relationship" would be what it is. But, I just have to trust God that He is working in his life...what else can I do? I'll close with an email that my mom's friend Kim wrote recently:

Just this morning in my prayer time, I reminded God of the high school boy who had to lift his dad into the bathtub when he was so ill and how he stood before Him in Bill's memorial service, choosing to sing praises to God. He belongs to Jesus, he was purchased for a price and he was marked and sealed as Christ's own FOREVER. We continue to pray for his safety and God to intervene in a major way. Love you.......Kim