november

my new least favorite month :) (just for 2007)

It's just going too slow! I am so excited for December that I wish November could just be overlooked.

A few high points though:

I got to go to Mimi's 90th birthday party last weekend, which was wonderful. I was on the fence for awhile, whether I'd go or not, and I'm so glad I did. It was great to see extended family I haven't seen in years, and to see mimi's face light up like that...she was so excited. I dont know if I've ever seen anyone more excited for a birthday party, not even children! And I got to go out with my aunt and cousin to Too Tall Jones' bar and see a pretty good band perform, which is always fun. I wish I could find bars like the ones from Dallas up here...maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places, but I always have a blast when I got to the bars there.

Austin and I went on a date last weekend (before I went to Dallas) and got wedding rings! Its funny how planning it in advance and calling it a "date" had my mindset so different than if we had just said "let's go out to dinner tonight" I wanted to wear makeup, do my hair just right, have on the right outfit...suddenly I was like a school girl. It was very fun and stressful! We went to a couple stores to look at rings and finally decided that because he'll be deployed so soon, and he wouldnt wear a really nice ring if he were deployed, we'd just get him a cheaper ring for now so that he won't be afraid to wear it over there, then when he gets home if he still wants the other one he had picked out we'll get it for him. I wasn't sure if I'd want a ring with diamonds or just a solid band, I always thought diamonds. but after I wore the solid band, I decided I liked its simpleness and I thought it highlighted my engagement ring very well so I decided to stick with that one. So...the rings are in our custody and we're ready to go!

Also in the good news category, Austin was given a pass-day for working on Veterans day, and he put his pass in for Thanksgiving. So he'll be able to cook with us, watch football with us, and make sure I'm not intimidated in the kitchen :)

So November hasn't been ALL bad(it has had its moments)...I just want the next 17 days to zoom by. My to-do list for the wedding is pretty small, and soon will be done...I'm just ready for it all to be here now! :)

system overload

I feel like a computer getting ready to crash. Sometimes I wonder what God thinks of me, what He has planned for me, and why he thinks I am able to handle so much more than the average person. Its not that I have so much ALL the time...but its like when I have one thing going on, I have 10 things going on.

First I had this wedding - and I was doing very well with it. Being Miss Type A, it is going to be planned to the t and it will be wonderful, just as I'd want it to be. Then we added the honeymoon, which is exciting its just more planning. Then visitors for Thanksgiving, which requires planning. I wouldnt trade any of these things by any means, but then you add the drama with my brother (which is never ending and never getting better) and the emotions revolving my wedding and my dad...and I'm pretty much maxed out.

So when I found out that 21 days after the wedding Austin would be deployed, it was almost as if I couldnt even hold the information...much less deal with it. That is much more relevant to my life than Brandon's issues (because Brandon has chosen to make it so) so now I've shoved his issues out of my mind and out of my care to bring on this new worry...and I'm still pretty much overloaded.

Needless to say, when someone comes to me at work asking me to do a pointless task none of my responses that come to mind are either professional or in anyone's best interest. If someone else has so much time and so little worry in life that they think doing this crap is important - then why don't they just do it? Granted I am at work, and it is my job to do what is asked of my related to the mutual funds I handle. But would you not safely assume that I have much bigger fish to fry right now than making sure things are done to someone else's standards? when I say someone else i mean someone other than my boss, his boss, or myself. If my boss comes to me and asks me to do things, not only do I do them because he asked - but I can trust that it is not a waste of my time. (side note: blogging is also a waste of my time, but if time is going to be wasted then i'll be the one to decide how)

Basically - I'm not at a point that you want to piss me off right now, because my ability to bite my tongue and to act in my best judgement...well, its not my strong point right now. I'll do what I can do, when I can do it. Anything above and beyond - its just not happening right now.

pity

As humans, as people, why do we feel the need to pity people when times are tough? I realize I am guilty of this too, but anyone who has ever received pity knows that not only does it sometimes make everything worse, but it is somewhat embrassing and humiliating. There has to be a line between sympathy and pity, but far too often the line is crossed.

For anyone who doesnt know (which would be nearly everyone I know, because I've told very few people) we found out yesterday that Austin is being deployed in January. Sad, yes. Horrifying, yes. Difficult to bear, yes. But does that automatically slap a sign on my forehead saying "pity me"? I know people mean well, but hearing things such as "oh you poor thing" just remind me that I have reason to be pitied. And if I had a penny for every time someone has pitied me...I'd have a lot more $ than I do now. Everyone should just give me a penny whenever they want to say "you poor thing" I could have retired before I even went to college.

It's not that I don't appreciate the people in my life, because I do. I appreciate everyone's love and support and I honestly could not have made it through half of my life without that support. And I know that people MEAN well when they do this, I just wish I could walk around with a red flag, and whenever someone crosses that line I could wave it in their face. Not to be rude, just to let them know "your love and support I need, your pity I don't"

And just to offer information so I won't have to explain it 100 times...Austin leaves January 6 to go to 8 weeks of training, then from there he will go to Iraq for 6 months. Obviously I'd be naive to assume there is a 0% chance of that 6 months being extended, but I can hope and pray. So if all goes as well as it could, Austin will be back home around the end of August 2008.

That's all. And thanks, in advance, for the immense support I know you'll be offering my way over the next 10 months.