I'm in Houston...muggy, humid, ...at least its not hot :) I am going to do my best not to complain the whole time I'm here...seeing as I CHOSE to come here I can't really complain about it. But I think if you'd lived in Denver for 1.5 years then moved back to Houston, you'd be somewhat heartbroken too.
But its good to be back. Good to be with friends and so close to everyone. I haven't really done anything since I've been here, but I have lots of tentative plans coming up that I'm really excited about. And I know in light of everything this is the best place for me to be right now.
My brother's birthay is next week. We haven't talked since Christmas, but he did call me the other day and and I need to call him back. I wonder if I'll see him. It's weird to think that I'd be in Houston on his birthday and notsee him, but my mom thinks he'll be working and busy so she doenst think she'll see him either. I am living near the restaurant he works at, The Steamboat House on the beltway, but I don't know if I'll ever go there cause its supposedly really expensive. Maybe I'll take Austin when he gets home.
I said I have lots of plans...but i have WAY more plans for when Austin getshome! Not sure when we'll even have time for everything I have planned lol. But planning and coming up with ideas of what we can do is fun and it gets me excited for when he gets back. It sounds funny I'm sure, cause its so far away, but if I'm excited for him to get back then...for a moment...I'm not sad that he's gone.
Well, I guess I better go. Random entry, I know, I just wanted to say I'm back in Houston and looking forward to an eventful 8 months!
Friday, January 25, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
let me just brag for a minute...
I have the absolute best husband in the world. Don't try to argue, its true.
I was very blessed to have the dad I had growing up, and sometimes I try to comfort my own loss by saying that some people won't have that sort of relationship with a parent at any point in their lives, and I got it for 13 years. One of the biggest things I gained from having him as a father, was seeing him as a husband. He wasn't perfect, I'm not idealizing him because he's gone, but he was a fantastic husband to my mom and he showed me what to expect.
I always thought I'd set the bar too high if I demanded someone be as romantic yet strong, as funny yet sincere, as compassionate yet firm, and as ... incredible... as my dad, so I just decided I'd look for those qualities but not demand perfection. Austin far exceeds my expectations every day, and I am often just blown away at how wonderfully he treats me.
I don't say this in a conceited or self-centered way at all, but sometimes I think he worships the ground I walk on and he'd do absolutely anything to make me happy. He knows just what to say at all the right times, knows how to comfort me when I need it and how to give me space to work out my own issues when I need it. He's funny at all the right times, he can lighten any mood with his laughter, and he brings me more joy than I ever knew was possible.
I realize that this sounds cliche - I realize that those are all the things you read in novels, and the words lose their integrity because they're said so often, but I just can't describe it in any other way. I miss him terribly now, with him being gone, but when I stop and remember all the reasons I love him, and all the ways that I am just so blessed to have him, it makes missing him less painful - and just makes me more excited for him to come home.
I was very blessed to have the dad I had growing up, and sometimes I try to comfort my own loss by saying that some people won't have that sort of relationship with a parent at any point in their lives, and I got it for 13 years. One of the biggest things I gained from having him as a father, was seeing him as a husband. He wasn't perfect, I'm not idealizing him because he's gone, but he was a fantastic husband to my mom and he showed me what to expect.
I always thought I'd set the bar too high if I demanded someone be as romantic yet strong, as funny yet sincere, as compassionate yet firm, and as ... incredible... as my dad, so I just decided I'd look for those qualities but not demand perfection. Austin far exceeds my expectations every day, and I am often just blown away at how wonderfully he treats me.
I don't say this in a conceited or self-centered way at all, but sometimes I think he worships the ground I walk on and he'd do absolutely anything to make me happy. He knows just what to say at all the right times, knows how to comfort me when I need it and how to give me space to work out my own issues when I need it. He's funny at all the right times, he can lighten any mood with his laughter, and he brings me more joy than I ever knew was possible.
I realize that this sounds cliche - I realize that those are all the things you read in novels, and the words lose their integrity because they're said so often, but I just can't describe it in any other way. I miss him terribly now, with him being gone, but when I stop and remember all the reasons I love him, and all the ways that I am just so blessed to have him, it makes missing him less painful - and just makes me more excited for him to come home.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Change change change...
Ok, its been 2 months...and who knows if I'll keep up with this in the near future, but I'm going to try. I guess its ok that I haven't written in 2 months, seeing as it was probably the busiest 2 months of my life so far...or at least in the last 10 years. Clearly the holidays are always time consuming, then add a wedding to that, Austin getting deployed, and moving back to Houston...I'd say I have valid excuses :)
I would talk about how incredible our wedding was, and how it was the greatest day of my life - but I am sure that's a given. When is someone's wedding NOT the greatest day of their life? (maybe your first child's birth overshadows it, but generally that comes later...) And I made a goal for myself not to relish too much in the wedding once it was over, because I didn't want to be living in the past...living in the glory of one day. Sure, it was the most beautiful I have ever or will ever look in my life...and it was so wonderful to have so many people there who love and support us both. And I got to meet some of Austin's family I hadn't yet met, which was nice, and see some I hadn't seen in awhile...I had all my closest friends with me all day which was SO special for me...and at the end of the day I walked down the sidewalk being pegged with fake rice and a random bowl as Mrs. Wallis. Climbed in my trailblazer successfully decorated with toilet paper and big tin cans that were VERY hard to remove...and went to the "honeymoon suite" at Camp Allen...the rest I'll just let you imagine. Oh wait - I said I wasn't going to relish on that day.
And I guess I won't go on and on about the honeymoon, cause after all who wants to hear that? Who wants to hear how incredible it was to wake up to the clear blue waters of the Caribbean, walk out onto our private balcony and take in the smell of the ocean? Or about how easy it is to get used to someone making your bed and bringing fresh towels every day (and $4 bottles of water that you weren't aware you were being charged for...) I guess I won't relish in that either.
But all in all, December was hands down the most fantastic month ever. I was blessed to be able to spend so much quality time with my family the week before the wedding, then have an incredibly blessed wedding (the staff at Camp Allen REALLY did us some favors) ... and a honeymoon that just knocked my socks off. Then I got to have a few more days to spend Christmas with my family before heading back into reality in Denver. Did I mention my friends? And how fantastic they were throughout the 1.5 years of this wedding-ness? And how extremely lucky I am that they even still want to SPEAK to me after it all?
I am definitely a blessed woman.
Then the new year came. I guess I was right in high school when I said that even-numbered years are usually more trying for me. Odd-numbered years have always brought about the most surprising gifts, and lots of fun, then the year to follow generally has rougher waters. So it should be no surprise that 2008 would be any different. It seems almost too perfect that 10 years after the worst year of my life would come the next most difficult time for me. There's so many different aspects of this year that I could focus on - most all of them are difficult and will test me as a person.
First there's that 10 year anniversary that is looming around the corner. It always seems to sneak up on me - with the busyness and excitement from the holidays, then starting a new year and then BAM there it is...in my face. Which is exactly how it was in 1998. When you're 13 it doesn't matter how mature you are, you are still never quite aware what it means when a doctor says your dad has one year to live...and you certainly aren't expecting such a tragedy right after the holidays. You're just blindsided. But that was then...this is now. 10 years later. A decade. Do you know how much happens in a decade? And especially THAT decade. Probably the most eventful 10 years I'll ever go through as an individual...I mean you've got the transition from jr high to high school, extra curricular events in high school, learning to drive, first loves, first heartbreaks, then you graduate...and transition into college. the major changes that happen in those 4 years, then ANOTHER graduation, moving out on your own and, for me, a wedding. Its been a busy 10 years, and my dad missed it all. Then come the emotions that in 3 years I will have lived just as long without him as I did with him...which is a milestone I don't ever want to reach.
To add confusion and more emotion, obviously its difficult, nearly impossible, to wrap my head around Austin leaving. Technically he's already left, but he's still in the US so he's not at war. It's still hard to be without him, but there isn't the aspect of him being in harm's way, and I still get to talk to him every night. Despite all of that, its still harder than I had even thought it would be. I've kept myself VERY busy, so I don't have a lot of down time to sit and dwell on being alone, but all it takes is 5 seconds of being alone to remind me. It's been 6 days...and every day so far I've been hit with a new aspect of Austin and/or our relationship that I miss. It'd be one thing if I'd forget about what I missed yesterday and moved on to something new, but it just compounds. If this is how it'll be the whole time, by August 25 when he's expected home, I'll be missing 231 things about him/us. It almost seems unreal, because it's just like they say in all the movies and books...it's the little things.
Two days ago what I missed was riding in the truck when the temperature is below 31. Random huh? Both of our trucks have a thermometer on the rear view mirror, and when it gets to be 31 it flashes "ice" every now and then. I don't even know how/when/where this got started, but when it flashes "ice" Austin will start singing "ice ice baby" then make noises that sound like the music that follows that in the song. Then I'll try to convince the thermometer to change by predicting the next temperature it'll fall to, because I know when it falls he'll sing and dance again. (he may kill me for sharing this quirky thing via the world-wide-web, oops!) So driving to work 2 mornings ago, the tears started flowing as I saw "ice" come on the mirror.
I guess if I didn't love him so much, I wouldn't miss him like this...but I'm not sure what sort of comfort I'm supposed to find in that fact. I already knew I loved him - didn't need further validation.
So...that's where I am. I won't get into the emotions surrounding leaving Denver for 8 months...I don't think I've even let myself truly think about that yet. For now, its just one step at a time.
I would talk about how incredible our wedding was, and how it was the greatest day of my life - but I am sure that's a given. When is someone's wedding NOT the greatest day of their life? (maybe your first child's birth overshadows it, but generally that comes later...) And I made a goal for myself not to relish too much in the wedding once it was over, because I didn't want to be living in the past...living in the glory of one day. Sure, it was the most beautiful I have ever or will ever look in my life...and it was so wonderful to have so many people there who love and support us both. And I got to meet some of Austin's family I hadn't yet met, which was nice, and see some I hadn't seen in awhile...I had all my closest friends with me all day which was SO special for me...and at the end of the day I walked down the sidewalk being pegged with fake rice and a random bowl as Mrs. Wallis. Climbed in my trailblazer successfully decorated with toilet paper and big tin cans that were VERY hard to remove...and went to the "honeymoon suite" at Camp Allen...the rest I'll just let you imagine. Oh wait - I said I wasn't going to relish on that day.
And I guess I won't go on and on about the honeymoon, cause after all who wants to hear that? Who wants to hear how incredible it was to wake up to the clear blue waters of the Caribbean, walk out onto our private balcony and take in the smell of the ocean? Or about how easy it is to get used to someone making your bed and bringing fresh towels every day (and $4 bottles of water that you weren't aware you were being charged for...) I guess I won't relish in that either.
But all in all, December was hands down the most fantastic month ever. I was blessed to be able to spend so much quality time with my family the week before the wedding, then have an incredibly blessed wedding (the staff at Camp Allen REALLY did us some favors) ... and a honeymoon that just knocked my socks off. Then I got to have a few more days to spend Christmas with my family before heading back into reality in Denver. Did I mention my friends? And how fantastic they were throughout the 1.5 years of this wedding-ness? And how extremely lucky I am that they even still want to SPEAK to me after it all?
I am definitely a blessed woman.
Then the new year came. I guess I was right in high school when I said that even-numbered years are usually more trying for me. Odd-numbered years have always brought about the most surprising gifts, and lots of fun, then the year to follow generally has rougher waters. So it should be no surprise that 2008 would be any different. It seems almost too perfect that 10 years after the worst year of my life would come the next most difficult time for me. There's so many different aspects of this year that I could focus on - most all of them are difficult and will test me as a person.
First there's that 10 year anniversary that is looming around the corner. It always seems to sneak up on me - with the busyness and excitement from the holidays, then starting a new year and then BAM there it is...in my face. Which is exactly how it was in 1998. When you're 13 it doesn't matter how mature you are, you are still never quite aware what it means when a doctor says your dad has one year to live...and you certainly aren't expecting such a tragedy right after the holidays. You're just blindsided. But that was then...this is now. 10 years later. A decade. Do you know how much happens in a decade? And especially THAT decade. Probably the most eventful 10 years I'll ever go through as an individual...I mean you've got the transition from jr high to high school, extra curricular events in high school, learning to drive, first loves, first heartbreaks, then you graduate...and transition into college. the major changes that happen in those 4 years, then ANOTHER graduation, moving out on your own and, for me, a wedding. Its been a busy 10 years, and my dad missed it all. Then come the emotions that in 3 years I will have lived just as long without him as I did with him...which is a milestone I don't ever want to reach.
To add confusion and more emotion, obviously its difficult, nearly impossible, to wrap my head around Austin leaving. Technically he's already left, but he's still in the US so he's not at war. It's still hard to be without him, but there isn't the aspect of him being in harm's way, and I still get to talk to him every night. Despite all of that, its still harder than I had even thought it would be. I've kept myself VERY busy, so I don't have a lot of down time to sit and dwell on being alone, but all it takes is 5 seconds of being alone to remind me. It's been 6 days...and every day so far I've been hit with a new aspect of Austin and/or our relationship that I miss. It'd be one thing if I'd forget about what I missed yesterday and moved on to something new, but it just compounds. If this is how it'll be the whole time, by August 25 when he's expected home, I'll be missing 231 things about him/us. It almost seems unreal, because it's just like they say in all the movies and books...it's the little things.
Two days ago what I missed was riding in the truck when the temperature is below 31. Random huh? Both of our trucks have a thermometer on the rear view mirror, and when it gets to be 31 it flashes "ice" every now and then. I don't even know how/when/where this got started, but when it flashes "ice" Austin will start singing "ice ice baby" then make noises that sound like the music that follows that in the song. Then I'll try to convince the thermometer to change by predicting the next temperature it'll fall to, because I know when it falls he'll sing and dance again. (he may kill me for sharing this quirky thing via the world-wide-web, oops!) So driving to work 2 mornings ago, the tears started flowing as I saw "ice" come on the mirror.
I guess if I didn't love him so much, I wouldn't miss him like this...but I'm not sure what sort of comfort I'm supposed to find in that fact. I already knew I loved him - didn't need further validation.
So...that's where I am. I won't get into the emotions surrounding leaving Denver for 8 months...I don't think I've even let myself truly think about that yet. For now, its just one step at a time.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
november
my new least favorite month :) (just for 2007)
It's just going too slow! I am so excited for December that I wish November could just be overlooked.
A few high points though:
I got to go to Mimi's 90th birthday party last weekend, which was wonderful. I was on the fence for awhile, whether I'd go or not, and I'm so glad I did. It was great to see extended family I haven't seen in years, and to see mimi's face light up like that...she was so excited. I dont know if I've ever seen anyone more excited for a birthday party, not even children! And I got to go out with my aunt and cousin to Too Tall Jones' bar and see a pretty good band perform, which is always fun. I wish I could find bars like the ones from Dallas up here...maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places, but I always have a blast when I got to the bars there.
Austin and I went on a date last weekend (before I went to Dallas) and got wedding rings! Its funny how planning it in advance and calling it a "date" had my mindset so different than if we had just said "let's go out to dinner tonight" I wanted to wear makeup, do my hair just right, have on the right outfit...suddenly I was like a school girl. It was very fun and stressful! We went to a couple stores to look at rings and finally decided that because he'll be deployed so soon, and he wouldnt wear a really nice ring if he were deployed, we'd just get him a cheaper ring for now so that he won't be afraid to wear it over there, then when he gets home if he still wants the other one he had picked out we'll get it for him. I wasn't sure if I'd want a ring with diamonds or just a solid band, I always thought diamonds. but after I wore the solid band, I decided I liked its simpleness and I thought it highlighted my engagement ring very well so I decided to stick with that one. So...the rings are in our custody and we're ready to go!
Also in the good news category, Austin was given a pass-day for working on Veterans day, and he put his pass in for Thanksgiving. So he'll be able to cook with us, watch football with us, and make sure I'm not intimidated in the kitchen :)
So November hasn't been ALL bad(it has had its moments)...I just want the next 17 days to zoom by. My to-do list for the wedding is pretty small, and soon will be done...I'm just ready for it all to be here now! :)
It's just going too slow! I am so excited for December that I wish November could just be overlooked.
A few high points though:
I got to go to Mimi's 90th birthday party last weekend, which was wonderful. I was on the fence for awhile, whether I'd go or not, and I'm so glad I did. It was great to see extended family I haven't seen in years, and to see mimi's face light up like that...she was so excited. I dont know if I've ever seen anyone more excited for a birthday party, not even children! And I got to go out with my aunt and cousin to Too Tall Jones' bar and see a pretty good band perform, which is always fun. I wish I could find bars like the ones from Dallas up here...maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places, but I always have a blast when I got to the bars there.
Austin and I went on a date last weekend (before I went to Dallas) and got wedding rings! Its funny how planning it in advance and calling it a "date" had my mindset so different than if we had just said "let's go out to dinner tonight" I wanted to wear makeup, do my hair just right, have on the right outfit...suddenly I was like a school girl. It was very fun and stressful! We went to a couple stores to look at rings and finally decided that because he'll be deployed so soon, and he wouldnt wear a really nice ring if he were deployed, we'd just get him a cheaper ring for now so that he won't be afraid to wear it over there, then when he gets home if he still wants the other one he had picked out we'll get it for him. I wasn't sure if I'd want a ring with diamonds or just a solid band, I always thought diamonds. but after I wore the solid band, I decided I liked its simpleness and I thought it highlighted my engagement ring very well so I decided to stick with that one. So...the rings are in our custody and we're ready to go!
Also in the good news category, Austin was given a pass-day for working on Veterans day, and he put his pass in for Thanksgiving. So he'll be able to cook with us, watch football with us, and make sure I'm not intimidated in the kitchen :)
So November hasn't been ALL bad(it has had its moments)...I just want the next 17 days to zoom by. My to-do list for the wedding is pretty small, and soon will be done...I'm just ready for it all to be here now! :)
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
system overload
I feel like a computer getting ready to crash. Sometimes I wonder what God thinks of me, what He has planned for me, and why he thinks I am able to handle so much more than the average person. Its not that I have so much ALL the time...but its like when I have one thing going on, I have 10 things going on.
First I had this wedding - and I was doing very well with it. Being Miss Type A, it is going to be planned to the t and it will be wonderful, just as I'd want it to be. Then we added the honeymoon, which is exciting its just more planning. Then visitors for Thanksgiving, which requires planning. I wouldnt trade any of these things by any means, but then you add the drama with my brother (which is never ending and never getting better) and the emotions revolving my wedding and my dad...and I'm pretty much maxed out.
So when I found out that 21 days after the wedding Austin would be deployed, it was almost as if I couldnt even hold the information...much less deal with it. That is much more relevant to my life than Brandon's issues (because Brandon has chosen to make it so) so now I've shoved his issues out of my mind and out of my care to bring on this new worry...and I'm still pretty much overloaded.
Needless to say, when someone comes to me at work asking me to do a pointless task none of my responses that come to mind are either professional or in anyone's best interest. If someone else has so much time and so little worry in life that they think doing this crap is important - then why don't they just do it? Granted I am at work, and it is my job to do what is asked of my related to the mutual funds I handle. But would you not safely assume that I have much bigger fish to fry right now than making sure things are done to someone else's standards? when I say someone else i mean someone other than my boss, his boss, or myself. If my boss comes to me and asks me to do things, not only do I do them because he asked - but I can trust that it is not a waste of my time. (side note: blogging is also a waste of my time, but if time is going to be wasted then i'll be the one to decide how)
Basically - I'm not at a point that you want to piss me off right now, because my ability to bite my tongue and to act in my best judgement...well, its not my strong point right now. I'll do what I can do, when I can do it. Anything above and beyond - its just not happening right now.
First I had this wedding - and I was doing very well with it. Being Miss Type A, it is going to be planned to the t and it will be wonderful, just as I'd want it to be. Then we added the honeymoon, which is exciting its just more planning. Then visitors for Thanksgiving, which requires planning. I wouldnt trade any of these things by any means, but then you add the drama with my brother (which is never ending and never getting better) and the emotions revolving my wedding and my dad...and I'm pretty much maxed out.
So when I found out that 21 days after the wedding Austin would be deployed, it was almost as if I couldnt even hold the information...much less deal with it. That is much more relevant to my life than Brandon's issues (because Brandon has chosen to make it so) so now I've shoved his issues out of my mind and out of my care to bring on this new worry...and I'm still pretty much overloaded.
Needless to say, when someone comes to me at work asking me to do a pointless task none of my responses that come to mind are either professional or in anyone's best interest. If someone else has so much time and so little worry in life that they think doing this crap is important - then why don't they just do it? Granted I am at work, and it is my job to do what is asked of my related to the mutual funds I handle. But would you not safely assume that I have much bigger fish to fry right now than making sure things are done to someone else's standards? when I say someone else i mean someone other than my boss, his boss, or myself. If my boss comes to me and asks me to do things, not only do I do them because he asked - but I can trust that it is not a waste of my time. (side note: blogging is also a waste of my time, but if time is going to be wasted then i'll be the one to decide how)
Basically - I'm not at a point that you want to piss me off right now, because my ability to bite my tongue and to act in my best judgement...well, its not my strong point right now. I'll do what I can do, when I can do it. Anything above and beyond - its just not happening right now.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
pity
As humans, as people, why do we feel the need to pity people when times are tough? I realize I am guilty of this too, but anyone who has ever received pity knows that not only does it sometimes make everything worse, but it is somewhat embrassing and humiliating. There has to be a line between sympathy and pity, but far too often the line is crossed.
For anyone who doesnt know (which would be nearly everyone I know, because I've told very few people) we found out yesterday that Austin is being deployed in January. Sad, yes. Horrifying, yes. Difficult to bear, yes. But does that automatically slap a sign on my forehead saying "pity me"? I know people mean well, but hearing things such as "oh you poor thing" just remind me that I have reason to be pitied. And if I had a penny for every time someone has pitied me...I'd have a lot more $ than I do now. Everyone should just give me a penny whenever they want to say "you poor thing" I could have retired before I even went to college.
It's not that I don't appreciate the people in my life, because I do. I appreciate everyone's love and support and I honestly could not have made it through half of my life without that support. And I know that people MEAN well when they do this, I just wish I could walk around with a red flag, and whenever someone crosses that line I could wave it in their face. Not to be rude, just to let them know "your love and support I need, your pity I don't"
And just to offer information so I won't have to explain it 100 times...Austin leaves January 6 to go to 8 weeks of training, then from there he will go to Iraq for 6 months. Obviously I'd be naive to assume there is a 0% chance of that 6 months being extended, but I can hope and pray. So if all goes as well as it could, Austin will be back home around the end of August 2008.
That's all. And thanks, in advance, for the immense support I know you'll be offering my way over the next 10 months.
For anyone who doesnt know (which would be nearly everyone I know, because I've told very few people) we found out yesterday that Austin is being deployed in January. Sad, yes. Horrifying, yes. Difficult to bear, yes. But does that automatically slap a sign on my forehead saying "pity me"? I know people mean well, but hearing things such as "oh you poor thing" just remind me that I have reason to be pitied. And if I had a penny for every time someone has pitied me...I'd have a lot more $ than I do now. Everyone should just give me a penny whenever they want to say "you poor thing" I could have retired before I even went to college.
It's not that I don't appreciate the people in my life, because I do. I appreciate everyone's love and support and I honestly could not have made it through half of my life without that support. And I know that people MEAN well when they do this, I just wish I could walk around with a red flag, and whenever someone crosses that line I could wave it in their face. Not to be rude, just to let them know "your love and support I need, your pity I don't"
And just to offer information so I won't have to explain it 100 times...Austin leaves January 6 to go to 8 weeks of training, then from there he will go to Iraq for 6 months. Obviously I'd be naive to assume there is a 0% chance of that 6 months being extended, but I can hope and pray. So if all goes as well as it could, Austin will be back home around the end of August 2008.
That's all. And thanks, in advance, for the immense support I know you'll be offering my way over the next 10 months.
Monday, October 22, 2007
worst fear = faced
I think its safe to say that if I asked everyone who knows me what my worst fear is, at least 90% of them would get it right: needles. I hate them. Its not the blood that gets me...its the actual needle piercing through my precious skin. I can watch medical TV shows til my face turns blue (this weekend I did...more on that later) and I can handle their guts being thrown about, organs being transplanted, blood spewing out onto the doctors...but the second they pull out a needle, my eyes are closed.
Needless to say (ironic that i just added one letter to the world "needles" there huh?) anyhow...needless to say I avoid them at all costs.
Last Wednesday I was feeling rather ill, and thought I was getting the flu. Thursday morning I woke up to a 102.5 fever, a HUGE headache that felt like the worst hangover in the world, a stomach ache, a constant need to go to the bathroom, and an inability to stand up longer than 3-5 seconds. Austin encouraged me against my will to go to the Urgent Care facility (my dr. was full for the day) We sat in the waiting room a long time where I fought the urge to lay on the germ-infested carpet (that's how painful sitting up was!) and I was finally called back. Ok - so really I only waited 45 minutes...but it felt like hours. The doctor asked a lot of questions to which I mumbled answers, then he quickly diagnosed me with gastroenteritis. don't ask me if that spelling is correct. so, quick diagnosis, that's good. remedy? uh oh.
"We're going to give you a couple prescriptions for the various symptoms, but we're going to need to get you some fluids because you are severely dehydrated. It shows in your skin and lips, and in the urine sample you gave"
I immediately started shaking. Fluids? That means an IV. I've never had an IV, and hoped to have 4 in my lifetime (4 kids=4 IVs unless i'm blessed with twins) The doctor asks if I have any allergies, and i said "just needles" His quick-witted response? "Well if you like I can get you a benadryl shot for that needle allergy" no thanks doc, no thanks.
So, being the "big girl" I am, I opted out of escaping the facility asap...though I heavily considered it until i realized how slowly "asap" would be at that point.
Boy was I a baby! The nurse came in with her little IV kit and I immediately started shaking. hands trembling, lip quivering, legs shaking, eyes watering - you'd think she was doing brain surgery. I squeezed Austin's hand as I cried...no, bawled...and she did her job. She was the sweetest nurse in the world, but she must have been thinking "this girl is worse than any kid i've ever seen, she's insane!"
immediately after she finished I turned to austin and said "New idea: you have the kids"
2 attemps and 10 minutes later, fluids were dripping and freezing my arm off. My mom believes, and I don't argue, that my needle fear is more of a psychological connection to seeing my dad hooked up to so many IVs and being pricked with so many needles during his illness. That may be true...and I like that reasoning better than me being a 23 year old who literally can't sit still when being poked with a little needle smaller than a pen point.
So...after 5 hours I left and went home to start watching season 1 of grey's anatomy. it was hard, seeing as i'd fall in and out of consciousness all day. but...i'm proud to say that over the course of the 3 days that i was out of my back, and the 4th day where i was up and down all day, i did manage to complete both the first and second seasons of Grey's Anatomy. I'm now a whiz.
And on that note, I better get back to work. Or to starbucks...it is 25 degrees outside, after all, and I did eat a total of about 6 meals in the last 5 days...so I think I am in need of a white chocolate mocha.
Needless to say (ironic that i just added one letter to the world "needles" there huh?) anyhow...needless to say I avoid them at all costs.
Last Wednesday I was feeling rather ill, and thought I was getting the flu. Thursday morning I woke up to a 102.5 fever, a HUGE headache that felt like the worst hangover in the world, a stomach ache, a constant need to go to the bathroom, and an inability to stand up longer than 3-5 seconds. Austin encouraged me against my will to go to the Urgent Care facility (my dr. was full for the day) We sat in the waiting room a long time where I fought the urge to lay on the germ-infested carpet (that's how painful sitting up was!) and I was finally called back. Ok - so really I only waited 45 minutes...but it felt like hours. The doctor asked a lot of questions to which I mumbled answers, then he quickly diagnosed me with gastroenteritis. don't ask me if that spelling is correct. so, quick diagnosis, that's good. remedy? uh oh.
"We're going to give you a couple prescriptions for the various symptoms, but we're going to need to get you some fluids because you are severely dehydrated. It shows in your skin and lips, and in the urine sample you gave"
I immediately started shaking. Fluids? That means an IV. I've never had an IV, and hoped to have 4 in my lifetime (4 kids=4 IVs unless i'm blessed with twins) The doctor asks if I have any allergies, and i said "just needles" His quick-witted response? "Well if you like I can get you a benadryl shot for that needle allergy" no thanks doc, no thanks.
So, being the "big girl" I am, I opted out of escaping the facility asap...though I heavily considered it until i realized how slowly "asap" would be at that point.
Boy was I a baby! The nurse came in with her little IV kit and I immediately started shaking. hands trembling, lip quivering, legs shaking, eyes watering - you'd think she was doing brain surgery. I squeezed Austin's hand as I cried...no, bawled...and she did her job. She was the sweetest nurse in the world, but she must have been thinking "this girl is worse than any kid i've ever seen, she's insane!"
immediately after she finished I turned to austin and said "New idea: you have the kids"
2 attemps and 10 minutes later, fluids were dripping and freezing my arm off. My mom believes, and I don't argue, that my needle fear is more of a psychological connection to seeing my dad hooked up to so many IVs and being pricked with so many needles during his illness. That may be true...and I like that reasoning better than me being a 23 year old who literally can't sit still when being poked with a little needle smaller than a pen point.
So...after 5 hours I left and went home to start watching season 1 of grey's anatomy. it was hard, seeing as i'd fall in and out of consciousness all day. but...i'm proud to say that over the course of the 3 days that i was out of my back, and the 4th day where i was up and down all day, i did manage to complete both the first and second seasons of Grey's Anatomy. I'm now a whiz.
And on that note, I better get back to work. Or to starbucks...it is 25 degrees outside, after all, and I did eat a total of about 6 meals in the last 5 days...so I think I am in need of a white chocolate mocha.
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